she woke up with a sticky ear
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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