I could make wine with my vomit
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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