Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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