I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
