News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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