you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
