We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
