kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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