In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
