We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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