Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
