he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
