Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
