the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
