i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
