You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
420 ftw
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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