ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
