Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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