I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
