Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
