I think I died a long time ago.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
