Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
