If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he fucked my hip out of place.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
