Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he fucked my hip out of place.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
