We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
