I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
