i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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