I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Everyone says I win the strip club
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
