you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
