I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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