I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
