I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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