I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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