Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
