i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
