dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
