You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
