ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh god it's open bar.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
