i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
