Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
