whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
