I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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