I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
