The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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