I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
