JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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