What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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