Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
