I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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