Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
