Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
