just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
