there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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