One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
